Monday, February 27, 2012

Love Letter to the Three Footer

The three footer turned three last week.  I tried writing down what I was feeling then, but it was so overwhelming and has taken me this long to collect my thoughts.  When your baby turns one, you think, oh my baby is getting so big.  When your baby turns two, you think, oh my baby is now a toddler and getting so big, so fast.  When your baby turns three, you realize, you have a little person who, by all technical standards, is no longer a baby.  My baby is big and is only going to get bigger.  She will always be my baby, but she is such a little lady now.  She can verbalize exactly what she wants and is working on explaining why.  She has likes/dislikes and preferences.  It made me so sad to see my baby is now a big girl. 

I cried a lot on her birthday, after she went to bed.  I let her stay up late playing with new toys and  burning off sugar from the birthday cupcake.  Our little tradition is that stays up at least one hour past bedtime having fun.  By the time she went to bed, she was pooped.  We walked to her room and I scooped her into bed like I used to before she could get in by herself.  As I laid her down, I whispered Happy Birthday one last time in her ear and sang her favorite song.  She had a huge smile on her face and said I love you mommy.  I lost it.  My baby.  My little girl.  This little person, who is almost too long to be comfortable in her toddler bed, was a newborn only three short years before.  I ended up having to do damage control because my weepiness scared her a bit.  She put my face in her little hands and said it will be ok mommy.  I know baby; I know it will.

I watched the three footer sleep for awhile that night and I watched toothless wonder.  I decided to write a note so she would know why her mommy was such a weepy mess.

I want you to grow and learn but it can be so overwhelming sometimes that my heart aches.  I am full of hopes.  I hope your day of being serenaded at music class, a picnic, playing at the playground and opening presents "with" daddy on the computer were fun.  I hope you guard your sensitive heart.  I wish I could fold you up and put you in my pocket to protect you from any hurt.  You care for people so much and that is wonderful.  But I know it will lead to heartbreak as well.  I have a feeling that your sister will probably beat up said heart breakers because she is a bit rough and tumble and loves her big sister.  I hope you know that even on the days where it appeared that I failed, I always tried my best.  I hope you understand that daddy will come back home eventually and he misses you more than he can ever explain.  I hope being three gives you the best memories and you learn more about the world around you.  I have so much more to tell you, but I will give it to you in pieces so you have something to look forward to.  Love you always, my three footer.

I cry again.  I cry every time I think about this, I cry.  Seriously, I need to get a grip.

Thanks for reading.
LL

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